


Painful Memory

by Izzu



Series: Light and Shadows of O-50 [8]
Category: Tokusatsu, ウルトラシリーズ | Ultra Series, ウルトラマンオーブ | Ultraman Orb
Genre: F/M, Gen, Origin Saga, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzu/pseuds/Izzu
Summary: Gai came looking for Juggler again, and perhaps found him at his most vulnerable time.





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the present, but there were mentions of stuff from Origin Saga. So there will be some spoilers.

_Memories could be so annoying, at times. Just when you're about to forget it, there would be something that would bring it back._

"Manager... can't you make the coffee much more _stronger_?"

Manager Black extended his head slightly over the counter towards him. "Juggler-boy, the coffee's already _strong_ enough to keep you awake till next morning, how much _more_ do you want?"

The man just bumped his head hard on the wall. "I just want to forget... this shitty memory..."

The Manager just looked at him worriedly as he started making another coffee brew with an _extra_ ingredient...

xxx

The sound of the ringing bell caught his attention as the Owner glanced up to greet his customer. But as expected, it wasn't just any other _customer_. It's Kurenai Gai.

"Manager, may I ask? Is—?"

Manager Black just resumed cleaning his utensils for the next day. He huffed at him. "If you're looking for Juggler-boy... he's there at the corner table."

Gai just gave him a surprised look before turning around and finally noticing the man who has already passed out on the table. The young man immediately hurried over to check on his friend.

"Manager! What happened to him?" asked Gai again as the old _man_ shrugged.

"The kid asked for something that could make him forget everything. I'm just a coffee shop manager! Not a pharmacist or anything! What kind of coffee that I could give him that could do what he wants?" Manager Black just gave Gai a shrug. "So, I added some liquor to his coffee. Good stuff, Babalian ale. Was contemplating between this and the Baltan liquor I had at the back."

The older man turned to look at Gai, before gesturing towards Juggler. "Kid didn't really have a good tolerance for it, did he?"

Gai let out a soft sigh, before shaking his head. "Not really..."

xxx

_"Before I knew it, I was trying my best to save her life..."_

_"I had no idea what I was doing... so I ran away with my tail behind my legs..."_

No... that's not true. That time... wasn't the first time that he saved someone by his own choice. There was another... much, much earlier. There was someone _else_ that he once saved and always wanted to protect. The first person he had ever opened his heart to.

_"The need to save the weak was Gai's weakness. How could I be the same?"_

How could he be the same as Gai? He wasn't like him who recklessly fights without knowing the odds. He wasn't someone who jumps into a fight without thinking like Gai. He didn't have the _need_ to save every unfortunate person that he sees around him. How could he and Gai be considered the same type of person?

"Of course the two of you were different people. But, was it that bad if you did something that was _similar_ to how Gai act? Was it so bad to act based on what your _heart_ wanted to?"

Juggler turned around to see a silhouette of a woman, walking towards him. At first, he thought he saw _Yumeno Naomi_ approaching him... with smiles on her face. But the closer she gets to him, the more he doubted that it was her. Yet the woman's face seemed somewhat _familiar_ to him. Who? But then recognition started to dawn on him and slowly he started to remember. The _swordswoman_ whom he met by chance, who... without his realising started to become a _very welcoming_ presence by his side. A treasured presence. The woman whose presence alone could make him smile without reason. The person, whom he once protected from harm with his own body. Also the one he...

_How could... he **forget** her?_

The woman smiled at him. "It's been a while... _Master_."

xxx

Gai stopped walking as he thought he heard something. He turned his head around before feeling something wet falling on his neck. He immediately turned to look at his old friend, whom he was carrying on his back.

Juggler was still asleep, yet... he was _crying?_

Suddenly Gai began to notice how Juggler's arm started to tighten its hold around his neck as he continued to eye his old friend worriedly. Juggler started to cry even harder, did he have a sad dream?

"...uh... I told you..."

Gai tried his best not to suddenly drop his friend as Juggler started burying his face on the side of his neck.

"...don't... call me, _Master_... Micott _—_!"

He gasped. That name... was a name he hasn't heard for a _very long time_. Especially not from Juggler. _So why...?_

Gai tried to recall the time... long, long ago back when their journey first started. The two of them had embarked on a new journey, to fulfil the new mission they just received. Along the way, they met with the two girls, Ricca... and Micott. It was at _that_ point when everything started to change. Since then, everything around them started happening so fast. Good things... _bad_ things, everything seemed to breeze past them _too quickly._

Did the two grow close back then during those _very_ short time? Was there something between them that he never notice before?

That reminds him, back then... when Juggler was in control of those... Bezelbs; how did it happen? His friend was a skilled swordsman, how could he be careless enough to—he remembered enough times when Juggler used to reprimand _him_ for the many times he fought recklessly by himself as well as Orb.

But then... Gai suddenly remembered an instance of a memory. That time when that Shinra gave Juggler the seed from the 'Tree of Life' supposedly given by Queen Amate to save him—when Juggler regained consciousness, he and Micott were looking at each other _meaningfully_. Could it be... those two—? And come to think, that time... aside from that other girl and Shinra, Juggler had also been affected deeply when _—_ Gai shook his head hastily. He didn't want to recall even _more_ of what happened back then. In Kanon.

A lot of things had happened back then. And not just that _incident_. There were a few more things. And it was around that time that the two of them started to break apart...

_"The kid asked for something that could make him forget—"_

Gai frowned. He thought of the last few conversations they had before, and how Juggler reacted badly when he talked about _'love'_. And how Juggler was taken aback when Naomi boldly taunted him to kill her already. And now that he thought of it, Juggler did seem to act _differently_ when he was with Naomi—and Naomi told him that Juggler used to open up to her, talking about the past. And surprisingly later when Naomi told him the things Juggler used to tell her, he realised that most of it were truthful. And he ended up finding out about the things he never knew his old friend had kept in his heart, all these times.

He might be overthinking this too much, but Naomi... did seem to resemble _her_ a lot. Not just in appearance, but also in personality. Perhaps that was why...

Gai again tried to check on Juggler again, who has fallen back into an uneasy sleep. He smiled weakly.

Perhaps he made a right decision to come looking for his old friend again today. Juggler would have hated it to see him later when he woke up, but for now... perhaps he could act a bit selfish and kept his old friend company tonight. For old times sake.

It might still be a bit hard for him to convince Juggler to stay by his side like how they used to in the past, but he won't give up yet. _For now_.


	2. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took him a very long time to get to this point, but it was better late than never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I might as well putting this alongside Painful Memories rather than post this separately and hope people read the other one-shot first. Granted, this piece was up to Saga 7... but so far from the looks of how the main series were faring, it doesn't seem that Gai really had a clue on why Juggler bear grudge on him besides the whole... power thing. And the usual villain motives. So we'll go with that reasoning for now. And also because I really want to give Juggy all the hugs in the world that was denied him for far too long.

When he woke up, the sun was already up. And he was _alone_. He sat up, and looked around in alarm. The moment he saw the dark suit jacket; still lying crumpled at the side, he started to calm down. That person... should he still be around?

Gai hastily got out of the small shed. Lucky for him, it didn't take him long to find his old friend.

Juggler was sitting by himself, on a bench at the park. Somehow, it seemed that his friend was deeply in thought. Or maybe he was just staring at the clouds. Regardless, his old friend was there in front of him and that alone made him happy. Grabbing Juggler's jacket, Gai skipped over towards his direction...  
  
xxx  
  
He let out another sigh. It's been a while. To think that right now he could just sit here by himself, not up to no good. Or up to some odd mischief. Was he losing his touch? His _purpose?_  
  
Without warning, Juggler sensed someone nearby and something heavy and warm being dropped over his shoulders. He turned his head slightly to see that it was only his jacket that he left behind. Was he out that long? He hadn't noticed the cold until _someone_ dropped his jacket over him. _How peculiar..._  
  
He turned his head to greet the person. "Uhm... m-morning. Fancy seeing you around. Then again, waking up to see your stupid face so early wasn't in my schedule." Juggler gave Gai a once-over. "It's that time of the week again, is it? Not off to protect some silly humans, are you?"  
  
Gai was silent, despite his taunts. _How boring._  
  
"Why are you out here so early? You'll get cold."  
  
Juggler let out a snort. "Heh... as if something like that would bother me now."  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
He glanced again towards Gai. That tone he was using didn't sound like a shot in the dark. But considering he'd woke up somewhere _else_ other than the place he last remembered, that would mean Gai would've picked him up from _there_. And _people_ from that place might have said some _unnecessary_ things. Still, there shouldn't be a lot for _him_ to find out.  
  
"Of course. Why won't I? Just because I no longer following you around, doesn't mean—"  
  
"Last night..." Gai suddenly spoke. "... you _talked_ in your sleep."  
  
Juggler frowned, before looking away. _That_ didn't mean anything. Even if he talked in his sleep, Gai wouldn't possibly be able to know—he turned back towards Gai. The idiot was still wearing his serious look... but it's not the usual 'I-am-a-warrior-of-light-and-I-am-judging-you' look but it's the kind of look that he hasn't seen directed towards him for a long time. That 'I'm-worried-shit-about-you-and-I'm-being-serious-about-it' look.  
  
It's really _been_ a while. Juggler let out another long sigh.  
  
"Fine... I had a _dream_ last night. And it's been a _very long time_ since I had it. That's all."  
  
"Can we..." he could hear the hesitation in Gai's voice, "... _talk_ about it?"  
  
He couldn't help laughing at the concern.  
  
"Why would you even _care_ to talk about it now? It's been a long time... and you never bothered to care about it last time..."  
  
Seeing that troubled look on Gai's face strangely felt so satisfying. Since it reminded him of something Gai had said to him before, which vexed him a lot. How Gai always assumed he _knew_ whatever it was he kept talking about so confidently. In which Juggler always wanted to spit back at the guy telling him how _wrong_ his assumptions have been.  
  
"Juggler..."  
  
He got up, turned around and started walking away. If he had to hear another of one of Gai's stupid speech again, he'd rather...  
  
"Juggler, wait!" Gai grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around. "I'm _not_ going to let you walk away from me again! Not this time!"  
  
Juggler yanked his arm away angrily. "I don't think we have anything to talk about with each other—"  
  
"Micott—"  
  
He winced. _Why the hell Gai started mentioning her name now?_ He glared towards Gai.  
  
"What are you scheming now, Gai? Are you going to start making more _assumptions_ on why I become like this? Are you planning to give me even _more_ ridiculous lectures on what things I supposedly abandoned or thrown away to show me what _wrong_ choices have I made? Are you thinking that—"  
  
"I'm _sorry_... Juggler."  
  
Juggler blinked, before cocking his head at him. "Hah? What are you suddenly—"  
  
"I'm sorry..." the man repeated.  
  
He laughed. Tens of years... a hundred... how long has it been he couldn't even recall. And only _now_... the Great Saviour Gai finally decided to say that word? _Only now?_  
  
"Sorry? For what? What did you _think_ you're apologising for?" He had raised his voice slightly as he spoke, but that wasn't even _half_ of the anger that was brewing inside of him.  
  
Gai showed him a very hurtful expression. But that wasn't enough to make him start to care about what Gai felt. For all he knew it's just Gai's usual line of thinking that went _off the mark_ again.  
  
"About Micott... about all of the things I did _wrong_ to you in the past... the things that I never noticed before, I wanted to ask for your forgiveness," Gai stepped closer towards him. "I'm sorry that I never realise how much you've been hurt."  
  
Juggler backed away.  
  
"What're you suddenly talking about? What—" Juggler brushed his cheek as he stared at it, confused. Tears? _After all these times?_ He glared back towards Gai. "What is it do you think you _know_ about me? You know NOTHING!"  
  
Gai nodded. "Yes. I knew nothing of your suffering. I thought I did... but I was wrong! I'm sorry it took me this long to realise that—"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Juggler placed a fist at the side of his head as his eyes started to gather even more moisture. "Shut up, shut up... SHUT UP! Don't you assume you know what I'm feeling right now! Don't!"  
  
He cried. Even though he _refused_ to want to let Gai _see_ him like this. The tears kept coming down. Despite how many times he tried to wipe them all away. _Why did the tears come out now?_ They don't even come out _that time_ when he—the memories kept flowing back into his consciousness. Micott's smile. The cries of the Bezelb. Micott lifting his sword high to attempt to cut the creature down. That moment when time seemed to stop flowing for him. The moment when he _witnessed_ Micott's death helplessly, unable to do anything to stop it from happening.  
  
And the penultimate attack on him back then, making the hurt even worse. Gai's words saying that he also felt _sorrow_ over Micott's death. He could remember his anger back then. How could Gai understand his sorrow? He didn't even spend that much time getting to know those girls back then, let alone actually have _enough_ reason to feel the loss!  
  
Ah well, at least he did teach Gai that _lesson_. When Gai thought that _that_ Natasha woman had died. Gai should have understood that feeling, at least for a long while... before he found out that the woman hasn't actually died because of him. Heh!  
  
Suddenly Juggler felt someone wrapping their arm around his body, pulling him out of his reverie. He blinked, before trying to push Gai away to no avail.  
  
"Get off!"  
  
xxx  
  
He gritted his teeth as he kept a firm grip over Juggler. Because it finally dawned on him. The many puzzle pieces that didn't make much sense before, things that used to allude him. They were making more sense now. The reason why Juggler kept trying to do everything he could to try to bring him down.  
  
It wasn't just because Juggler was obsessed with power. It wasn't just because of Juggler's _hatred_ of him. It wasn't also just because of his fascination of the darkness. It was _none_ of those reasons and _all_ of those reasons. The more he started noticing the little things, the _more_ he started to understand. Whether or not Juggler was doing all these consciously _or unconsciously,_ it did seem that the answers were always _in the past_. _Their_ pasts.  
  
Gai tried to recall the many things Juggler had said to him ever since they arrived on _this_ Earth. How Juggler had mocked him for being too depressed over the 'death' of a single human. Natasha's. How the very thought that he might have caused Natasha's death made him lose his original ability as an Ultraman. And why... Juggler kept trying to show him what 'true hell' could be for him. He suddenly felt all of the emotion inside him to be a bit _suffocating_.  
  
Suddenly it dawned on him on why Juggler tried so hard to achieve so much _power_.  
  
"Juggler..." he finally spoke up. "Were you... _there_ when Micott died? Did you saw it... with your own eyes?"  
  
Immediately, he felt Juggler's response. His friend had stopped struggling. He could also hear Juggler let out a choked cry. And he might have imagined it, it also felt as if all of the strengths had left his friend's body, before Gai hurriedly made Juggler sit on the bench.  
  
"Juggler..." he started to say. Juggler's eyes were blank as he tried to get his friend to pay attention to him. "It's not your _fault_."  
  
Juggler's mouth twitched before he started shaking his head slowly. "No. It _was_ my fault."  
  
His friend let out a sigh. "If only I wasn't so stubborn about not teaching her my sword technique, she might have had a better chance of _surviving_ that confrontation. She wasn't used to fighting with a longer blade. Or one that was heavier than the one she usually wields. If she had been able to practice using the long sword and get used to fighting with it, she could have been able to swing the sword faster and moved quicker. If only I wasn't too _stubborn_..."  
  
Gai pulled his friend into another embrace again. And this time, Juggler didn't put any resistance. His heart clenched as he thought of how much hurt his friend had been facing _alone_ by himself all these time.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that it took me this long to reach out to you."


End file.
